We all avoid things that make us anxious. It’s just human nature.
But human nature comes with a switch. You can override that avoidance response and — in the very moment of feeling anxious — act instead. It’s acting in the face of fear that will slowly build up your confidence. Try doing something that you normally avoid for 30 days and see how your confidence grows.
Every time I got out of the water, I felt like I could take on the world. There was a surge of confidence that was unmistakable. The feeling was so much more powerful than I expected. But it wasn’t just a feeling, it was a feeling and a story. The story was, “If I just did that, what else could I do?” It made everything in my day feel easier.
It’s not just incentives that change behavior — it’s also our sense of self. Who we believe we are in the world can show up as a powerful lever if we know how to leverage it.
Staying motivated long enough to get your habit to really take root can be a tricky thing. And while you do need the motivation to keep that habit going, sometimes the skill you need even more is to learn how to restart your motivation precisely at the moment when you have a bad day. Thinking of habits as plants instead of streaks will help you get there.
While we often get stuck in the gap trap, it’s important to remember it’s a trap of our own making. While that may be frustrating, it’s also liberating. Because if you know how the trap works, you can often outsmart it. By following Sullivan and Hardy’s advice of “always measuring backward” — how did I do this week as compared to last week — you’ll train your brain to start seeing your progress instead of chasing the mirage of perfection.
